Angels freeing you from the Earth
There are many phrases and terms used for something finishing. That funny TV series seems to have ended just as you’ve got into it. You always find that money off voucher the day after it has expired. The funds in your account always get exhausted well in advance of pay day. When you’re running late, the bus always seems to unexpectedly terminate before it reaches your stop. Just at set point, rain has a horrible tendency of stopping play.
Sometimes these conclusive situations can actually be positive. There’s no better feeling than when a big project is completed, or you finish the conclusion on a long essay. It’s brilliant, but all too rare, to hear on the news that hostilities have ceased. It’s always a bitter-sweet feeling when a well written novel reaches its finale, with all the outstanding plot issues having been resolved.
Regardless of the vocabulary, things regularly come to an end and are drawn to a close on a daily basis. Sadly the same is true of life. Death and dying is a heartbreaking experience; perhaps in an attempt to ease the pain we use various terms in place of words such as deceased, casualty and fatality. Describing it as "bereavement" does not ease the grief, and softening it by saying they have "passed away" does not bring them back. Saying that we have "lost them", or they’ve "lost their life" kind of sounds careless, and insignificant- this is life, not a set of keys. To explain that "God has taken them" or their "number has been called" makes it sound as though they have been chosen, but it doesn’t change the fact that they are no longer with us. To say they’ve "had a good innings" won’t mean that they get another turn at bat, and personally, not being a fan, I wouldn’t want my life summed up in cricketing terminology.
Ultimately the phrase that we choose is irrelevant, it doesn’t change the fact that we have to come to terms with whichever term we’ve chosen to represent the death of a loved one. The only thing that really matters is how we respond. It’s natural to mourn or feel angry at the loss of someone, but it’s important that this is replaced as rapidly as possible with a celebration. A celebration of their life, and the time we spent with them. It’s important to focus not on any regrets, but on our memories. It’s easier to locate some comfort when those who have been sick are taken from us. While they have left us behind, they have also left their pain behind.
All this of course is far easier said than done; losing a loved one is the most difficult thing we can ever experience. Having said that it’s more difficult to see them suffering and in pain. If someone in pain wants to die, it’s selfish to want them to stay with us, struggling to endure the pain. In the more eloquent words of Eckhart:
“If you’re frightened of dying, and you’re holding on,
you'll see devils tearing your life away.
If you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels,
freeing you from the earth".
Rather than berating these angels, we should thank them- for, in freeing our loved one form the Earth, they have also freed them from their pain.
It’s harder, well in fact impossible, to understand why that pain originally existed in someone that did not deserve it. But sadly, that’s a fact of life (and death). Equally impossible to understand is when someone dies suddenly or needlessly. But even understanding the “why” would not return them to us.
They may no longer be with us physically, but they will always remain locked in our memories and in our hearts. No one wants to be remembered with sadness, so try to remember them with happiness- treasuring their memories just as you once treasured their presence. Don’t let anyone’s life be in vain- carry them with you- in your thoughts, in your words, and in your actions. Don’t mourn them, celebrate them, and may they always rest in peace in the knowledge they have touched, and are remembered by, us.
August 2011
