Prose

Audrey’s Eulogy

Wondering quite how to start Audrey’s eulogy, I consulted the dictionary to discover the definition of a Eulogy is “a speech in praise of a person”- Audrey has made this task both very easy, and virtually impossible at the same time. To stand here and praise Audrey is the easiest task anyone could hope for, and also a great honour. However, to fully do justice to such an amazing person and friend is something I have very little hope of being able to do.

 

I also consulted the internet; apparently the average Eulogy is between 3 and 5 minutes long, but there is certainly nothing average about Audrey, and I’m pretty certain that most people in this situation do not have such an amazing individual to discuss.

 

When I consulted some of her friends and family, as well as my own memories it dawned on me that even if I spoke really fast I still had no chance of cramming Audrey’s amazing life into anywhere like the average Eulogy duration!

 

Known to her family as Aggie and her friends as Audrey, Mary Agnes Hayes was born almost a century ago in Co Clare. She was raised with her 4 siblings on a farm by her parents Michael and Maria, until her father passed away in 1925. Shortly afterwards, Kay, Audrey and Rita all moved to London to pursue nursing careers. Eventually, all 3 sisters ended up residents here on Santos Road. And as with any siblings, they had their ups and their downs, they clearly loved one another dearly, but they certainly ensured that Norfolk Mansions was never a dull place to live! Today marks the end of the era on Santos Road- the place will never quite be the same again having been the home to three Hayes sisters for many decades.

It was whilst in London, back in 1941, that Audrey met the love of her life, John- at the time a serving officer in the British Army. Audrey continued her nursing career as a Queen’s nurse, and then later as a district nurse. They both served each other for over 50 years until John sadly passed away in 1998.

In the many decades since John and Audrey arrived in Santos Road, much changed in the neighbourhood and in Audrey’s life. Whilst the Arndale was transformed to Southside, and many of Audrey’s friends and family either moved, or passed away, one thing remained consistent throughout her time in the area. Often when you live nearby anything, people arrive just in time. However, Audrey was always one of the first in the church to claim her seat in the front row.  Her commitment to attending mass even when less-able to do so, was driven by her unwavering faith in God. Even right until the end Audrey communicated with God- praying that she would be pain-free, but also that he would take care of her loved ones and grant them a happy and safe life.

 

Anyone that knew Audrey would instantly recognise her talent as a story teller. She always seemed to have one more story up her sleeve that she’d pull out just as people were about to leave, to keep them there for longer.  When in full health Audrey  loved visitors, and would always do everything in her power to make them stay as long as possible! A visit to 5 Norfolk Mansions was always a great experience, but it was never a brief one!  Unless you disturbed her during Coronation Street, in which case you were promptly shown the door!

Just as she appreciated people’s time when they came to visit, she was also touched by the large number of birthday cards that adorned the fireplace and TV in early October. And every year without fail, Audrey could tell you exactly how many cards she had received, and who had sent them.

Everyone present will have some fantastic memories of Audrey to treasure. I’d just like to share some of the memories that will always stay with me.

It’s safe to say that although a great friendship developed between our family and Audrey, things didn’t get off to the best start. Aware that the new cooker that we had delivered to our flat had some missing parts, Audrey offered up a small stove as a temporary solution. Her interpretation of my mum’s reaction left her with an initial impression that they would never get along. A short time later, Audrey felt compelled to write a complaint letter about Eileen’s noisy offspring and the commotion they were causing in the communal garden. Almost 30 years on, here we are!

I will be eternally grateful that what started out with neighbourly disagreements developed into a long and loving friendship between my mum and Audrey- this allowed me the opportunity to get to know and love this truly remarkable woman. When we were younger, I loved visiting John and Audrey and their beloved cat Bluey. It was during these visits that I learned what a higgildy was!  I was always amazed by the immaculate tidiness within the flat. The visits would usually be punctuated by Kay popping down from upstairs to say hi. I’ll never forget the fondness Audrey always displayed, her and Kay referring to me as “Little James”. I just hope she knew that the fondness was more than reciprocated.

I know how much Audrey treasured the support offered to her by mum, and Mum, Audrey’s family thank you for being such a constant and reliable friend, helping Audrey out on many occasions. Audrey appreciated and loved your ongoing support as her confidant, advisor, listener and friend.  I know Audrey was  also immensely fond of my father. Those of you that knew my dad, will remember that he was a wonderful handy man, and Audrey was very proud of the fact that she without fail she found him a job to do! It seems totally fitting that we should be celebrating her wonderful life on Dad’s anniversary.

 

Driven by her faith, Audrey travelled to Fatima, hoping for a miracle to cure the arthritis in her legs. Her legs weren’t healed, but as she said herself, she got her miracle in Fatima. She met someone special there that has been a friend and companion to this day, Eleanor Goulding. Eleanor, Audrey appreciated everything you did for her, and her family thank you for being there for her over the years. Without you, she would not have enjoyed the great quality of life which she had right up until the end.

 

When she wasn’t welcoming new neighbours with the offer of loaning a stove- Audrey along with John made the effort to make new arrivals to Santos Road feel welcome. Helen and Michael still remember fondly the weekend trips that Audrey and John brought them on in an effort to build a friendship with their new neighbours.

Looking around the church, it’s clear that Audrey established many very long-term friendships, and on behalf of Audrey, her family would like to thank the many, many people for providing assistance; ringing constantly, and visiting regularly. Suffice to say, you know who you are, and Audrey was very grateful for everything you did for her.

 

Audrey was someone who certainly knew her rights, and would go to great lengths to prove she was indeed right!

A long time back, Audrey decided that the ideal way to welcome the New Year in would be to invite the priest around for dinner. She was very excited when she brought her meal selection home from Sainsbury’s- she hadn’t had goose for a good many years. You can imagine Audrey’s disappointment when the goose turned out to be too tough for her liking. She decided to share her outrage with Sainsbury’s – who not understanding who they were dealing with, neglected to respond to Audrey’s correspondence. Audrey decided to take matters in her own hands, marching down to Sainsbury’s, demanding to see the manager. Audrey’s persuasive nature earned her a £40 reward, and a full written apology!

While she was in her element taking on big organisations, Audrey was not one to complain unnecessarily…. In fact whilst clearly in pain in St George’s over the last few weeks, she announced that she had no complaints. Audrey was someone that always looked at the glass being half full…. Preferably half full of San Miguel or Red wine!

Audrey and John lived their lives to the full, and loved travelling. Her favourite holiday destination was Tenerife. However, when quizzed on why Tenerife?, the fact that she discovered the joys of “an ice cold San Miguel” seemed to be top of the list!

Their desired holiday destinations were expanded by the foreign students that lodged at No 5- for example taking them over to Iceland. It was also this that created one of Audrey’s few regrets in life- never having made it to Japan or Hong Kong.

The language barrier with the students didn’t come without issues. There is a motto in Japan “eat it all up to show you appreciate the bounty offered you”. Well, upon her Japanese lodger clearing his plate on the first evening- Audrey took this to mean that she wasn’t providing enough food. So the next day she increased the portion. Again, the student showed his appreciation by clearing his plate. Audrey, surprised at the size of his appetite further added to the portion the next evening. I believe this exchange continued for a little while- suffice to say the poor student returned home rather larger than he had been upon arrival.

 

Aside from travelling abroad, Audrey always remained in touch, and very proud of her homeland. On one occasion inviting Helen and Michael to Claire to see where she had originated from. They went out for a meal, and Helen thought she would pay. Audrey had rather different ideas, and informed the waitress in no uncertain terms that it was more than the poor girl’s life was worth to accept payment from anyone other than Audrey.

Audrey’s last wish was to return to her roots in Lahinch, to rest with her mother in Callura Graveyard, beside the sea. That wish will be granted.

 

Audrey always treasured her independence, ensuring that she had all the tools she needed (such as her buggy and stair lift) to be able to stay mobile. In the hospital, she decided she didn't want Mum to help her take a drink, she'd do it herself- Independent till the very end! Whilst in later years, Audrey’s natural mobility may have been limited, she retained her mental sharpness right until the end. She was always up to date with current affairs, courtesy of the Daily Mail. However, there are question marks over whether Audrey selected the paper for the quality of the journalism, or the merits of their wine club. Rumour has it that she was on first name basis with the manager of the Wine Club.

Audrey’s appreciation of wine and San Miguel, solved an issue when it came to Christmas and birthdays. I always found it difficult to know what to buy for a woman in their 90s. When questioned if she needed anything, Audrey regularly stated that there was something, but she didn’t know whether I would be able to find anywhere selling it. She was right, I never did manage to locate a pair of new legs for her

Typically on the ball, whilst in the hospital, she even prompted me that we needed to sort out the renewal for her washing machine insurance plan! Right until the end, she also wanted updates on the time and date- which is unsurprising given her focus on dates as demonstrated by the very extensive collection of calendars usually on display in No 5!

 

As ever, Audrey remained selfless; her first concern over the last few weeks when we visited her in hospital was whether Martina’s baby had arrived. Audrey was delighted to hear of the birth of baby Naimh, and she prayed that she would enjoy as long and happy a life as Audrey herself had experienced. Not focusing on the pain that she was in, another of Audrey’s concerns was the parking costs her visitors were incurring whilst there- another sign of how much the little things people did meant to Audrey.

Right until the very end Audrey displayed the resilience of someone that coped with losing their father at the age of 12; lived through 2 world wars; and  adjusted to losing her beloved husband John over a decade before she has now gone to join him. The staff at St George’s were amazed by Audrey’s grace even in the face of pain- she remembered to say thank you after each meal or pain relieving injection.

Before she passed away last Wednesday morning, Audrey was ready to join John and her departed friends and family. She had clearly made peace with herself and with God, and departed peacefully and with her customary dignity.

 

On behalf of Audrey and her family, thanks again to all of you that helped Audrey during her life. Thanks to the priests her at St Thomas’- past and present, and thanks to the organist for the beautiful music. Thanks also to the staff at Eversheds undertakers who have been so helpful, courteous and professional. To the fantastic staff at St George’s Hospital, particularly those in the McEntee ward, thank you for taking such magnificent care of Audrey in her final days.

The final thank you goes to God, for blessing us with Audrey’s presence for so long. Today, although tinged with sadness at her passing, is a celebration of Audrey’s wonderful life- she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Although it’s sad for us all to say goodbye, we were truly lucky to have Audrey as part of our lives.

Audrey would’ve really appreciated such a crowd turning out for her today, and would have been honoured if you could all return to the church hall after the ceremony in Putney Vale, to celebrate her very long and equally happy life.

I just want to finally finish with a poem about someone although old in years, was young at heart and in mind, and an absolute inspiration to us all to live life to the full….

 

One of a Kind

 

The amazing lady of whom today we do fondly speak

Was truly one in a million- totally unique.

Every one of Audrey’s years we should celebrate,

After all, she made the very best of all ninety eight.

 

 

 

Both very kind, and one of a kind,

A true friend in her, many did find.

Right to the end she trusted in Our Lord;

Right to the end she was by all, adored.

 

 

 

 

To meet a kinder person, you could never have wished;

By so many, Audrey shall be sorely missed.

Living life to the full, Audrey never did cease.

May she always rest in eternal peace.